When Is It Enough

Grief is a form of validation; it says the wound mattered. (Augestine wrote in his Confessions.) I read this statement in The Captivating and it's so true. I have been in tears since Saturday night and praying to God to please show me a sign that this is the end or the tears mean it's not over. I don't give up on much, well when it comes to relationships. I will put my entire life on hold to make sure a relationship even friendships remain in tact. I guess this shows that I put more value in relationships versus other things and that's okay but where is the moderate line to be drawn? I married at 19 and I was head over heels for this man and I'll love him until they release my ashes. When I vowed to marry him (both times, yes I married him twice) I vowed to be his forever because to me that's what being a wife is all about. We tried so hard to make our marriage work that it was bleeding from all sides when it ended. I made so many sacrifices to make sure this man had everything he needed to feel whole, meantime I was dying a slow soulful death. I am still processing the fact that my marriage to him did not work but one thing I know is that I'm a healthier woman today by deciding to walk away and not go back to the physical and verbal abuse that I allowed. Here I am almost 2 years later and ending another relationship. This time is so much harder because the man is everything I ever wanted but the woman that used to love with her whole heart can find the trust and strength to do so. I really thought I could love someone again as I did my first husband but for some reason my rapped heart can't find the energy to do so. I spend most of my days just trying to get through the work day. My desire for life, family, friends, fitness and time with God have left me. The last sentence above says it all, when the things that make me soul complete are no longer flowing through my soul, that's when it's enough. Once again I have to raise my flag and move on to the next venture in life. I am not looking for my next love. I honestly do not want to focus on another relationship until my soul foundation is whole again. It does not happen over night and this I know. I just really want to treat myself like a good book and dive into me and lose my self in the adventures that rest in my soul.